Just so you have a little bit of background, I have only one grandparent left, my Papaw who is fast approaching 94 years old. This man is the light of my world. He means more to me than I could probably imagine. First off, he's an amazing grandfather. Secondly, he's a WWII and Korean War Veteran and deserves all of my respect and gratitude. Third, he's always always been there for me. He's helped me out financially when I couldn't make ends meet, and he helped me get through college when I didn't budget for expensive books. He's truly a wonderful grandfather and I owe everything to him. Pretty much my entire adult life I've understood what an amazing person my grandfather is and constantly strive for his approval. I've seen people all around me that just don't have it together and my Papaw was and still is my role model for the person I should be. I know I'm the light of my Papaw's eyes, he always calls me his baby girl (as I'm the youngest grand-baby). When he says this my heart bursts from joy. I may not show it to everyone, but my heart is exploding with love and excitement when he calls me that.
I also have two cousins that are both older than me. Both of my cousins have been less than favorable, especially in the way they treat my grandfather. Now let me stop here for a moment, later on I'm sure I will state that I feel like I'm better than these two people, and truly at the end of the day, I do feel that way, but this is just the beginning of that whole "no one knows the pain I have so they can't begin to judge my statements." My two cousins do not have any education outside of their required high school education (which they both barely achieved). The both do not have stable jobs, it seems like each time I see them one is out of work complaining why they were fired from whatever crap job they had. Both also have had problems with illegal substances, I don't know what, and I don't really care, but all I know is that this shouldn't be brought around my Papaw and anyone who would do so is not someone who I will respect. My female cousin "ran away" (I say that loosely because she was still around physically but never contacted our family) for a few years, she also had a stint of time where she wasn't sure if she was homosexual or not. My male cousin is in constant trouble with the law, due to his drinking and driving - which my Papaw always pays him out of. My male cousin has been in jail multiple times - which Papaw bailed him out of. All of which my cousin never offered to pay him an ounce of money back. My male cousin also got some random girl knocked up, and hardly ever speaks to the girl or the baby (mostly the mother's decision, she seems money hungry because she knows our Papaw will help them out ... and did).
Both of my cousins have lived with my Papaw for a good while. During that time they never cleaned, did laundry, cooked, did work on the house or yard, or helped pay for groceries or utilities. At one point my female cousin was even diagnosed with a STD that was spreadable by just touching (I'm sure you can gather what I'm talking about without airing her laundry out there). Well she was so self centered that she took a bath in my Papaw's only bathtub (he lives in an older house with no shower) and didn't disinfect the tub even when asked by my Papaw. So my 92 year old Papaw was on his hands and knees scrubbing the tub with Borax just to ensure he didn't catch anything that may be spreadable. I also should mention that during this time that my female cousin lived with my Papaw she was working in the bar scene, in which she surrounded her self with all the wrong kinds of people, I don't need to elaborate, I don't know the details, but there's something to say for a 27 year old spending every night at a bar and every day sleeping. It's just not a lifestyle someone should be working, and it's not the people you should surround yourself with.
Okay ... with all of that out of the way, I met my husband online in February 2009 and my entire family had an issue with this. I understand, they didn't get it and they were worried about me. However, John was the one for me, there was and still is no denying that. The moment I knew that I was in love with John and knew that he was was the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with was in early March. John and I were talking about past relationships and I shared a very personal story with him about the guy I dated before John came along. The store goes like this, "Mr X (the guy before) had a little girl already and when you date someone with a child you will have the what if we have children talk. I shared with him that I wanted this specific name and without ever asking why he quickly said well I don't like that name." My heart was crushed because he didn't let me explain why at all, he just shut me out. John asked what was the reason and what was the name and I told him that the reason was that I don't remember my maternal grandmother at all (who is the wife of the Papaw mentioned above). I told John that if I could have any wish granted it would be to spend one more day with her, because I can't remember the way she smelled or how her voice sounded or how her hugs felt. Because of this, I have always wanted to name my little girl Ella Grace which honors my grandmother, Mary Ella. John got really quiet and I was worried that he didn't like it and thought to myself "well this is the end of this relationship" and then John said the most beautiful words. He told me, "You know what I think? I think it's the most beautiful name in the world. I bet your grandmother did everything with grace. I bet she held you with grace and sang to you with grace." Now I need to stop here to mention that no one can comprehend how special my grandmother's singing to us is. She used to sing You Are My Sunshine to us and I tear up anytime I hear that tune. So John saying that he bet she sang to me with grace without knowing about this was just even more perfect. All the while he's saying this I'm crying into the phone and knew this was the man that God made for me. I told my aunt and mom this story the following Sunday at Papaw's house. All three of us were crying in the kitchen and both of them agreed John had a heart of gold.
With all of that back story, here's what has turned into a terrible Thanksgiving. My female cousin got pregnant by this guy that she was dating. She's very lucky that he has his head on his shoulders and actually wants to step up and take care of his responsibilities. He proposed to her, but she didn't want to get married to him because she wasn't sure at first, but then decided that she wanted to have an elaborate white wedding the summer after the baby was born. Who is going to be asked to foot that bill ... my Papaw I'm sure. So I got this invite by her to her baby shower (which she made sure to text me her address to mail the items I bought her because she knew I couldn't make it - don't let me forget to mention that I hadn't bought her anything yet, and wasn't exactly planning on it). I just can't provide enough examples why she has no class or tact with anything. I'm very confused as how we're related when I was raised 180 degrees different than she was.
So let's fast forward to Thanksgiving 2010. I got her this huge bag full of baby clothes, which she could've cared less about. I guess she wasn't happy I didn't mail them to her 4 months prior like she sent for. She was truly an adorable pregnant girl and I made sure to tell her how cute she was. At dinner, all she wanted to do was tell me how she was planning her wedding and showing off her ring, which I'm concerned why she felt any need to flaunt this ... I feel she needs to get married and do things right, so she's not wowing me in an facet by telling me about this wedding I doubt will ever happen (I doubt it because she debated so long if she even wanted to get married at all to him).
My cousin and her baby daddy left after lunch and my Papaw started talking about her baby. He mentioned that he was told that they're naming the baby after my Grandmama - which I know just isn't why she chose that name. This completely broke my heart. My Papaw doesn't know of my intentions (I kinda wanted to surprise him).
Now this is the part that I'm sure you'll think I'm judgmental. I've tried to do everything right in my life. When I say that I mean that I have tried to model my life after how my grandparents did it. I look up to them as they've been the only solid examples of a stable life and a stable relationship that I've had. I got through school without getting pregnant, I've worked the whole time, I spent time "out on my own" that made me grow up, and then I got married. I see my cousins being bailed out of their troubles and then "praised" (for lack of better words) for their mess ups.
I ended up lashing out at my cousin over the phone (which I know is wrong but I spent the afternoon sobbing and we all know when emotions get involved you say things you know you shouldn't) and told her that I knew she wasn't naming her baby after our grandmother and that she shouldn't lie to our Papaw and tell him that. Well my lashing turned into an all out brawl when she told me I was a joke along with multiple other vulgarities and told me that it was too bad, she was having a baby first and was going to name her after our Grandmama. After we left Tennessee my family had Sunday lunch at my Papaw's house and my Aunt asked my mom if I needed psychological help (let me mention again, that my Aunt knew about the name story with John ... remember she was there when I told my mom and cried in the kitchen with us ... yet now she's denying ever knowing this). Also my cousin's baby daddy said to my mom its best that "those people" (referring to me and my husband) stay away from my Papaw's house and especially him, his baby momma, and his child. WHO THE HELL IS HE TO SAY THIS? HE'S NOT EVEN A FAMILY MEMBER AT THIS POINT!!!
Let's get one thing straight - that's MY Papaw, you have no ties to him, you're probably making my cousin come around more because she's told you how much money he has. You both are a JOKE! I do not ever see myself considering you or my cousin family again.
The more I think about this issue the more hurt I get and in turn become more angry.